Fear, Love, and the Journey to Inner Peace: How Childhood Shapes Our Lives"

Introduction
Fear is the first instinctive experience that all living beings encounter. However, in humans, fear develops uniquely. The first fear a person experiences is the fear of death in childhood. But how far does this fear extend? To what extent does it shape individual lives and society as a whole? In this essay, we will explore the nature of fear, examine its role in both the past and present, and, ultimately, contrast it with its opposite—security and love.
The Origins of Fear
After birth, infants instinctively react to protect themselves, much like other creatures in the animal kingdom. Up until about the age of two, a baby cannot distinguish itself from the mother. It has not yet developed a sense of separateness. But between the ages of three and five, a child begins to recognize their individuality, separate from their mother. This is the beginning of their independence—the "self"—learning to do things like using the bathroom alone or no longer relying on breastfeeding.
This awareness is where human fear starts to take shape. Unlike other animals, humans experience a profound sense of separation from nature. With this new sense of individuality, the child faces the reality of mortality for the first time. The fear of death operates in the mind like a deeply ingrained program, the "software" that becomes the ego, which manifests in different ways in adulthood.
How Fear Shapes the Ego
This fear system can be categorized into two main responses: tension-based fear and passive fear.
• Tension-based fear manifests as intense reactions. It drives people to strive, control, fight, or flee. This can be seen in behaviors like aggression, perfectionism, or constant stress.
• Passive fear, on the other hand, reveals itself through withdrawal and inaction. A person might stop engaging with life, retreating into isolation or numbness. This could manifest as depression, fear of failure, or a feeling of hopelessness.
An example: Sara’s Story
When Sara was five, her parents divorced, and she stayed with her father. The mother, who was meant to protect her, had abandoned her. Deep inside, Sara believed it was her fault. "If I had been a better daughter, she wouldn’t have left me."
She became overly cautious, always trying to please her friends, teachers, and boyfriend, terrified of upsetting them. She never asked for anything, avoided conflict, and apologized instantly to prevent rejection. She carried the deep-seated belief that if she wasn’t perfect, people would leave her—just as her mother did.
As she grew older, her father stopped supporting her financially, forcing her to earn a living as a teenager. She resented her father for neglecting her emotions and failing to take responsibility. His rejection fueled her anger, making her see him as the root of her suffering.
Unconsciously, she developed hostility toward wealthy older men, seeing them as symbols of her father’s abandonment. Seeking revenge, she entered relationships with them, skillfully extracting money as a form of retribution. Over time, she justified her actions, believing she was merely balancing the scales of justice. Her narcissistic tendencies emerged—she began to view herself as deserving of the resources and attention of others, especially men, to compensate for her childhood wounds. She believed these men owed her, further reinforcing her self-centered behavior.
Sara’s story illustrates how childhood fears manifest in adulthood. Her mother’s absence created passive fear, making her desperate for approval and afraid of expressing her needs. Her father’s neglect fueled aggressive fear, turning her into someone who took control through manipulation and resentment. If someone offered her true love, Sara would face intense inner conflicts and reject it—just like a child who is used to fast food and finds vegetables dull and tasteless.
A Life Without Fear: An Alternative Perspective
What if Sara had been born into a family where she never experienced abandonment or rejection? In this scenario, her mother would always have been by her side, feeding her well and providing comfort in her arms. Her father would have supported her, even when she was afraid to step onto the beach, encouraging her to take risks and explore the world.
Now that Sara has grown up, she has a few close friends. She feels comfortable in social settings and isn’t driven by the need for attention. Instead, she seeks environments where she can learn new things. Passionate about adventure, she is eager to face her fears. Sara finds joy in the smallest moments of life and thinks about her future career. She dreams of experiencing a healthy, loving relationship and believes the world is a beautiful place where she can overcome any challenges. The security she experienced as a child has transformed into a deep sense of love and faith within her. She believes her parents will always support her, which allows her to create freely and pursue new skills and experiences. Nourished by love, Sara is inclined to be kind, grow, and embrace creativity.
Fear and Society
Just as individual fears shape personal lives, collective fears influence entire societies. In ancient times, during droughts, people believed their sins caused God to abandon them, leading to rituals like human sacrifices. Even today, in certain traditional societies, some believe that morality influences natural events, leading to religious practices such as fasting for rain.
In societies struggling with war and inflation, people live in a constant state of survival. Their primary focus is securing basic needs, and fear governs their actions. As a result, self-denial and suffering are upheld as ideals, while those who aspire to more than mere subsistence are condemned. Enjoyment and the pursuit of new experiences are viewed as indulgent, materialistic, and devoid of spirituality. Young people are urged to engage in religious rituals, believing that devotion will bring them future blessings. Any financial struggle is seen as divine punishment—a sign that they have neglected God. In their struggle for survival, people resort to theft, trafficking, and fraud, burdened by a constant sense of guilt. Governments reinforce this mindset, depicting wealthy nations as oppressors and prioritizing military buildup over progress. A deep-rooted sense of victimhood keeps fear and resentment alive, shaping a society trapped in conflict.
A Society Free from Fear
In contrast, in prosperous and safe countries, individuals thrive in an environment of growth and opportunity. People focus on long-term goals such as advancing science, technology, and the arts. These societies invest in education, innovation, and sustainable practices to improve the future. Young people dream of realizing their potential and exploring the universe. They are naturally drawn to love and kindness, volunteering to protect the environment and contribute to society. With a deep sense of purpose, they seek to discover their true calling in the world.
Conclusion
There is a Persian proverb: "You reap what you sow." If you are raised in security, you will grow with confidence, flourish, and find profound faith in your heart. You will nurture love in your children and future generations. But if you experience fear, your children will inherit survival mode and insecurity, passing it down to their own children.
In my opinion, the greatest mission of every individual in this world is to face their fears and find love.
They asked Shams, "How did you attain peace?"
He replied, "I chose to calm my soul, not the world around me. Yet, as if by miracle, the world around me too found tranquility."

Written by Arman,
Meditation Coach & Ecotherapy Guide